Friday, June 10, 2011

I've been asked to bitch more on my blog...

Over the recent weeks, one person in particular has asked for some more funny stuff. The request was for more of these types of posts. While I was hoping to keep that one off my blog (for fear of some of the subjects reading it), I say "what the hell!" So here are a few of my pet peeves when it comes to drivers, or people that operate heavy machinery when they shouldn't:

1. Those that refuse to use their turn signals. Perhaps it was because I grew up on gravel roads where stop lights and stop signs were far and few between and I didn't have to use them that often, but damn it people, your turn signal is so I know what the hell you're trying to do while on the road! Nothing like bee-bopping along at 20 over the speed limit to come up on a car that suddenly slams their brakes on then makes the slowest.turn.ever. All without putting a signal on! When I see the brake lights I'm usually like "Oh, must be the person in front of them" or "perhaps there's a child playing in the road (clearly those parents should not be parents)" or "are they really braking for a squirrel? I'm not behind Summer am I? She always stops for those!"....then comes the turn. Bah, I just want to honk my horn, put a scrolling marquee on my car that says "use your turn signal" and squeal my tires as I drive annoying.

2. I have a bicycle. I ride my bicycle. If you've never ridden a bicycle, shut the hell up. I recently had a friend put on their facebook status about how they hated when bikers rode in the middle of the road. The person apparently couldn't be slowed down for the mere 10 seconds it may take a rider to find an open curb to move over and let him pass.I decided to be a part of this rant and commented very politely on the status. To which I received some more crap about how there was a sidewalk, blah blah blah. I responded with some sound data about ordinances in different cities/towns that do not allow bikers to use the sidewalks, etc. We'd all love to have a trail everywhere we go; however, seems like some people (ie. non-bikers) get in a huge uproar when it comes to putting more tax dollars to trails. They don't want their money to go to those because they don't use them. And to that I say, shut the hell up, I'm paying for your child's education, you don't hear me talking about having to wait behind a bus while all the kids cross the street to get on - and I sure hope none of my friends would say "sidewalks available, 10pts a piece." Douche.

3. Val and I's favorite pastime is probably judging the way others do things. For instance, we have been known to take pictures of license plates that appear to have a picture frame of registration stickers around them and pass those along to each other. We find ourselves wanting to ask the owner of the vehicle, "You know those stickers come with directions right?" You've all seen those people, and probably commented about how dumb they look too...don't judge us. But anyways, I don't know if their sole purpose to let us all know 1) when their birthday is each year or 2) how long they've owned that particular car. I just don't understand how these people are still allowed to drive!? I mean, putting your sticker anywhere other than where the little sheet tells you to basically tells the whole state that you can't follow simple directions. What makes me think you can follow "drive on the right, pass on the left" type directions??

4. You know how it is. You're running late to work (or at least I always am) and just as soon as you hit the open road, you're stopped by someone driving far below the speed limit. To those I say, OMG stop driving so slow please! While I do believe that speed limits are necessary - really Traci? do you? or did you just make that up?? - I do also believe that if you can't drive at least the posted speed limit, you should not be allowed to drive. Period. I take side streets to work and nothing makes me more annoyed than getting behind a slow person, only to have them make every.single.turn.I.make. ugh! When I lived in the burbs, I seriously started leaving the house later than I should have, just to avoid traffic. I found myself getting to work 20 minutes later than I should have, but a lot less stressed. Lord knows my work at that time gave me enough stress to worry about! I just figured being there 20 minutes late and in a decent mood was better than me leaving 20 minutes earlier, sitting in traffic for 40 because someone slammed their brakes on 3 miles ahead (probably didn't use their turn signal either) and showing up super grouchy. But now I live a mere 10 miles away, do not have to deal with loads of traffic, but I would appreciate the traffic I do deal with to be going at my pace. Pick it up grannies!

5. I'm not sure about you, but I've noticed that some of the worst drivers are those that have animals in their laps, as if the dog can do a better job maneuvering the 2000 lb vehicle than their owner, the human. But you know what people, I have a dog too and he doesn't drive my car so neither should yours! Just the other day I was turning left with a green left arrow (what's up with the yellow flashing left turn signals in DSM, anyone know? something new they're trying or what?? I'm confused) and some older lady practically took me out because she was on her phone and apparently left it to her pint size pooch to make the turn. Little did she know he couldn't get his paws wrapped around the steering wheel to make a sharper right hand turn.  Not to mention she had handicapped plates as well. And was driving a hybrid. Thanks goodness for my attentiveness and cat-like reflexes, I pretty much saved the day. You'll learn that after being in 3 accidents in an 8 month span - 2 of which were NOT your fault.

I could go on and on, especially about the handicapped stickers and such. But someday I may run for office and I'd prefer that my constituents use my sexts and racy pictures rather than my opinion about handicapped sticker abuse against me.

Until then, Buckle Up - It's the Law!

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