Monday, May 7, 2012

My Opinion Monday - Bacherlorette Party Etiquette

If you're a girl and you have friends that are girls, you've been to a bacherlorette party at least once in your life (or will be going at some point I hope). I went to one this weekend and had a hootenanny of a good time, but wanted to share some etiquette rules for all the haters that we came upon - and haters I've ran into on other bach parties. Perhaps I was the only one who noticed these peeps but being the judger that I am, it's kind of my thing.

So here are a few rules for all you that come in contact with a bacherlorette party:

1. Stop staring. Yes, the bride and bridesmaids are wearing tutus and she's carrying around a giant, inflatable penis (which didn't happen this past weekend). Yes, all the other girls are dressed in black - or matching at least - but that's what our invite told us to do. The bride is wearing a veil and is looking a hot mess right now. Get over it. Stop staring, we don't want to be your friend anyways.

2. Buy a god damn sucker already. All bacherlorette parties sell something. Whether it's a sucker for a dollar (Suck for a Buck) or a penis shaped cake pop, just buy it. Buy the bride a shot too; the sooner we get her wasted, the sooner we're out of your hair. 

3. Get over the fact that we've asked your boyfriend to get a picture with the bride. She's getting married, she doesn't want to take him home. It's one of her tasks that's been assigned, she doing it because she has to. We convinced a guy to go into the bathroom and put his clothes on our blow up doll at one bach party I was at. His girlfriend thought it was funny, that's how you should think. 

4. Yep, 20 girls just got off a bus and are passing you in the line and not paying (or paying a reduced) cover. Accept that fact. 

5. Yep, those 20 girls just ordered shots so your drinks will take a little bit longer than normal. You'll be okay, I promise. Go pee one more time (before we all do) and by the time you're back, the bar will be all yours and the bathroom will be all ours!

6. Are you kidding me, those 20 girls just took over the dance floor? We.sure.did. And requested NSYNC, we're old. Sorry we're not into whatever the heck it is you kiddos are into these days.  We like our old school tunes (which aren't even very old), and we like to sing them at the top of lungs. We'll be gone in 20 minutes anyways, we've got a bus to catch. 

7. No you can not get on our bus. We all paid at least $25 to be on this thing, no way are we letting free-loaders on our bus. Don't be mad when we say no - remember how we don't even know you?

8. Give us a friggin break. You've all been there, done that, know how some bach parties can get completely out of control and girls get a little cray cray (that's like double crazy mom). We've been drinking heavily for a few more hours than you have, have had way too many jello shots and just don't give a shit at that point. Don't pick fights with us, just take your drunken self elsewhere thank you very much. 

Keep these rules in mind when you see a bacherlorette party ascend on your hangout. Remember that we're most likely 5 jello shots and 3 margs into the evening, don't want to take your boyfriend home and really, really want to take our heels off.  Stop acting like you've never done it before either. 

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