My Opinion Monday: Voicemails and those that hang up AFTER the beep

I can’t be the only person that hates voicemails. There has got to be someone else out there that dislikes calling their voicemail box, entering their passcode (which 9 times out of 10 I’m told is wrong by the idiot lady recording – and by the way lady, it hasn’t changed in about 10 YEARS!), then listening to the callback number in the robotic tone, then the date and time of the call…and then….nothing. The dipshit hung-up. What the?? I just spent about 3 minutes going through the process to actually get to the voicemail only to hear that I’ve been hung up on. Good thing for caller ID (on cell phones, my office phone not so much) so I can be sure to not call that person back in a timely fashion.

For some reason, people still leave voicemails on my cell phone. I have a confession – I delete them before listening to them and I have no idea what you’ve said before I call you back. I just deleted 6 from a few months ago the other day on my way to Chicago because my cell phone was reminding me every 2 minutes of the 6 hour drive that I had messages (my phone is junk, it should have gone into the “reject” pile but somehow made it through US Cellular’s “rigorous testing” phase – that’s what they told me anyways). I always use to say that if something is important, someone will leave a message. Now I’m the mindset that if it’s important, they’ll send me a text message because they know I’m not going to listen to the voicemail, nor will I likely return the call. I’m immediately annoyed when someone leaves me a voicemail (am I really my mother’s daughter?? Sorry mom…) I think the voicemail lady now goes into a tirade saying, “If you don’t intend on leaving a message, hang up now.” I feel that’s a bit obvious and is similar to putting the warning label on the hair dryer noting you shouldn’t use that product in the shower. Duh.

We all know how cell phones work these days. I remember a time when my mom thought voicemail was the same as an answering machine. “Hi Trac, it’s your mom….pick up if you’re there….okay you must not be there….call me back when you get this…love you.” No worries, she has it figured out now.

My work phone is a little different. I am keeper of the general mailbox as well as my own. When someone (or an automated caller) listens to our recording and doesn’t select an extension, they’re dropped into a general mailbox and I get to check those messages. So many times I have gone through the process of entering my password, listening to the lady tell me I have voicemails, only to hear, “...(silence)…..(click).” What? Why? Who doesn’t know that if you’re not going to leave a message you hang up BEFORE the beep, not after!! Nowhere in any of my greetings have I ever said, “You’ve reached my voicemail, please hang on until the beep and then wait a few minutes to hang up. Thanks!”

I just don’t get it. If I get someone’s voicemail greeting, I hang up. Honestly, I probably hang up a few rings before their voicemail. If someone is going to answer your call, it’s going to be in the first few rings; not that many people don’t always have their phones with them. Although – in my defense – I misplace mine quite a bit. The other times I’m just usually in the craft room – the house dead zone for service considering the concrete walls and ceiling and all. And then there are times that I do have my phone, see the caller and silence. You’ve all done it too…(right? Haven’t you? Or am I admitting in this post I’m a cruel person?)

I would disable my voicemail all together, but I know how much my mom loves to hear my voice so I don’t. (Yes I could answer her every call, but she doesn't call me much - she's suppose to call me whenever she wants to talk...she's getting better at it). Even though I’m not only the narrator on my parents answering machine, I’m the only messages saved to the tape. Whoop whoop, go me! But she did just ask for a new house phone for Christmas…guess this means I’ll have to call and leave a few messages for her.

In conclusion, if you have my phone number and need to reach me and I don't answer your call, send me a text message. I'm either forgetting that my phone isn't where I thought it was or have crafted myself into a corner in my concrete cell office. If you must leave a voicemail, be warned that it will not be listened to fully unless you make the first 2 seconds amazing. And it shouldn't be time sensitive, I won't get around to it until a few weeks later either.

And for all you idiots that insist on hanging up AFTER the beep, go (beep) yourself. And have a nice day!